A Message From The Founder

Healing from the abuses we have endured in our history is a journey.  It is not like a race with a finish line.  But rather an adventure, that takes us down many paths.  Some are full of light, while others are not so well lit.  Some of the paths bring joy and freedom.  Some bring pain and sorrow.  Each day that we move towards our healing, it is done in a manner of faith.  We heal because we believe we can heal.  As a quote from the worlds best selling book says, "Thy faith hast made thee whole."
Recovery is much like a maze garden.  We don't always know where the path we are on will take us.  Sometimes we'd rather not know.  For many, the "unknown" is more horrifying than the known.  But we step out on faith, and enter the world of recovery and healing because it provides us with two things we surely need.  Hope and Companionship.  Hope that we too can find the healing which brings peace and serenity into our lives that others have found.  And the companionship of others that lets us know we are not on this journey alone.

Many of us have strong religious beliefs and ideas, and many of us feel failed by them.  As a source of healing we may not be able to lean on these older, less than comforting beliefs.  We may need to open ourselves up to developing new ones.  Beliefs and ideas that work.  That bring comfort.  Concepts that make sense to us.  I remember a time when someone asked me, "where was God when I was being hurt, when I was crying, when I was alone in this world at the mercy of my abuser?"  And all I could reply in good consciousness was, "He was crying with you."  I would then attempt to explain Gods putting gravity in place and not interferring with it, as an example of why God would not interfer with human will after it was put in place.  I would point out that God is no more at fault for our sufferings then He is for those that are allowed to starve to death in different regions of the world because of goverments selective humanitarian aid policies.  God provided us with a way to help those people and we withheld our aid until it was too late for many.  In short, I tried and still try to provide the abuse survivor a way to let the God of their own understanding off the hook.  Because I believe we have to allow a source of power into our lives that is greater than ourselves.  That can reach us in ways and at a deeper level than we can using our human resources.  I do not propose that someone believe as I believe, but that they become open to finding, discovering a belief of their own that brings healing and comfort.  Opposed to hanging on to the internal conflict, confusion, and resentment of their old beliefs and ideas.  Developing a spiritual resource for some of us is not an easy task.  Many of us not only suffered physical, emotional and mental damages as a result of our abuse, but we have suffered spiritual damage as well.  I believe that in order for us to truly experience recovery and healing, we have to become willing to allow all these aspects of ourselves to be restored.  For some of us it requires only the willingness to let down some of the walls we built around our spiritual side.  For others it may require a complete rebuilding of their spiritual side.  Each of us on this journey will discover which it is we have to do to experience the recovery and healing we desire for ourselves.  No one else can make these decisions for us.  I believe that each of us do need to be openminded and allow our hearts to guide us in this journey.

Among us are those who suffer from anxiety, fear, anger, as well as grave mental and emotional disorders.  The list of problems that survivors incure as a result of abuse is tremendously long.  We share with eachother our knowledge, and our experience so that we share not only our problems, but also the solutions we have found.   As we see one another enter a certain pathway on this journey, we might warn them of low laying branches or pot holes along the way.  So they don't have to fall into the same ones we have.  When standing at a fork in the road, we might suggest a direction to them that we found worthy of our travels in recovery.  They can choose to go the other way if they deem it would be more appropriate for them than the path we took.  While I strongly encourage all abuse survivors obtain professional therapy to deal with and process issues related to their history and the hardships it brings to them, it is not a requirement for membership in the Healingroom, any more that establishing a spiritual belief is.  It is however strongly suggested, based on what I have experienced work for me and what I have seen work well for others.  For some of us this might require that we become willing to let go of some more old ideas.  Such as "therapist don't really help, they are just in it for the money".  Or the, "I have God in my life today, so I don't need therapy" stuff.  Our recovery and healing process entails we develope and capitalize on many resources, not just one or two.  We should probably avoid any resource that demands absolute dependency upon itself to the exclusion of other resources, or attempts to dictate to us which resources are vital and which arn't.  Again, we have to make these decisions for ourselves.  While we were wounded as defenseless children, it was surely not our fault.  However, as adults our recovery and healing becomes our responsibility.

Our spiritual resource, our therapuetic resource, and our support network (which includes, but is not limited to the Healingroom and its members) is vital to a fuller recovery and healing process.  Don't cheat yourself out of any of these resources.  Be open to utilizing them all to the best of your ability.  Because you are worth it!

John Freifeld - Founder

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